My initial reaction was envy when I heard Linda Flanagan being interviewed on Wisconsin Public Radio about her recently published book, Take Back the Game – How money and mania are ruining kids’ sports and why it matters.

This was not the first time in my life I heard about a product or service out in the world that I had thought about creating. Friendship greeting cards. Refrigerator magnets to help kids learn to choose healthy foods. And now, the book I might have written, had I approached mine in a different way.

At one time or another, we all feel like we missed an opportunity.

Should I have written a more research-based book with a broader focus? I thought about it back in 2011 when I was trying to decide what to put on the blank page in front of me. I could have gone that direction, or in a couple of others, but that’s not where I was pulled. 

As someone who follows her gut instinct, I’m pretty sure 50 Years in the Bleachers was the book I was meant to write.

I wanted to take a different approach to the topic by sharing my family’s sports journey. I hope other families will find something they can relate to and be encouraged to think about the true purpose of youth sports.

So, instead of feeling envious of Flanagan, I am grateful. Grateful, because here is another voice raising the same concerns and similar observations to mine. Grateful, because while one voice may disappear at nightfall, many voices with the same message gain traction. Grateful, because every writer connects with every reader differently. The more voices we have calling fouls on youth sports, the better.

Different people, different places, same problems

Flanagan shares insights about her participation in and coaching of cross-country and track, and about parenting an athletic son. She lives on the East Coast where it seems the costs of playing and demands on kids and families are even greater than here in the Midwest. But of course, kids can have a terrible sports experience anywhere. 

It was horrifying to read Flanagan’s retelling of the physical and mental abuse a high school female swimmer endured from a coach, and how her parents didn’t question the extreme demands put on their teenage daughter — physical, mental, and emotional demands that continue to affect her in adulthood.

When Flanagan reflects on her role as a sports parent, she acknowledges that, like many parents, she allowed her son’s youth sports achievements to become about her. And she shares some “aha” moments, like when her son had a terrible experience playing in an AAU basketball game and they never went back. 

I found it particularly interesting that we both included a topic as seemingly innocent as “team dinners” in our books. We both point out that the purpose of team dinners has been blown so far out of the water that no one remembers what they were for in the first place. She explains how the excessive emphasis on team dinners, and on what she calls “snack creep,” are more examples that parents are overly invested in children’s activities.

What can be done?

Flanagan suggests some new models to reform sports from the top down. Her suggestions require bold thinking and bold actions from those in charge of collegiate, high school, and community sports. Bold action is required to make such structural changes, because youth sports — all sports — are driven by money. I’d read before that in 2019 the youth sports industry was valued at $19.2 billion. Flanagan cites that the same year, the NFL’s estimated value was $15 billion.

Where there is an opportunity to make money on youth sports, someone will build another venue, start another league, or sell equipment and uniforms.

As long as marketers create demand and fear-of-missing-out (spoiler alert: they are NOT going to stop), parents will be challenged to weigh many factors before choosing sports activities for their children.

And while demand can be created, buyers always have a choice. Parents always have a choice.

I wonder:

• Would there still be classes to introduce three-year-olds to sports if no one signs up?

• Would club games still be scheduled at times that require kids miss school if parents put their kids’ education first and refused to participate?

• Would teams participate in frequent tournaments if coaches and parents prioritized kids’ well-being?

How parents can take action

 I believe parents will have to drive changes to the youth sports model. That is why I am grateful for the growing number of voices on this topic. Different voices will be meaningful to different people. When parents hear a message they can relate to, they can take action.

Flanagan encourages parents to look at their role in the youth sports system. Though they may feel trapped, they can make different choices. In Chapter 10 of her book, she expands on these four pillars to guide parents:

• Look at your child

• Keep your family whole

• Strive to keep perspective

• Model the behavior you want them to learn

 In 50 Years in the Bleachers, I expand on three pieces of advice for parents:

• Distinguish your desire from your child’s

• Be honest with yourself about what you want your child to gain from sport

• Let them play safe

Are you a youth sports parent looking for answers?

Whether you connect with my message, or Flanagan’s, or one of the many others who have written about youth sports, I encourage you to trust your gut instinct and do what’s best for your child and family.

If you’re feeling pressured, overwhelmed, and trapped by youth sports, how do you think your child feels? 

Next steps

1. You can find books I’ve read and recommend on my bookshop.org storefront*.

2. Check out the Resources page on my website for information to support youth sports parents and coaches.

3. Read Take Back the Game by Linda Flanagan and 50 Years in the Bleachers by Christine Hawkinson.

If you like to support independent bookstores and shop online—you can!

* I am an affiliate for bookshop.org and have a storefront on their site where I gather all the books I’ve mentioned in my blog and others about sports. If you purchase these or any other books by starting at my storefront (bookshop.org/shop/christinehawkinson) I will earn a small commission. OR—you can support your favorite local bookstore by selecting theirs!