If you have kids in school, then you probably grew up just as the number of activities for kids exploded. In addition to school sports there were club sports and martial arts. You could take art classes, piano lessons or join a kids’ summer theater group. You might have joined 4-H, Boy Scouts, Girl Scouts or another organized kids’ club. Or maybe you attended summer camps to learn about computers, engineering or science.

And now you’re a parent making choices for your own children. Perhaps you have wondered how many and which activities to choose. Maybe you have struggled with how much time and money to invest is the right amount for your kids and your family. And very likely, you have been persuaded by your child or other parents to say yes to something when you wanted to say no.

As I passed two mothers on a pre-pandemic walk, I only had to hear a few words to be reminded of the challenges.

 “…they’re at that age when they’re always busy.”

“I know, but it’s crazy. I hate it.”

So many choices

I know the feeling. I was overwhelmed by the options in the late 1990s as my daughters entered elementary school. I asked their elementary school principal for advice about how to decide and she advised me to pick one or two things we could commit to and let the rest go. We had to choose carefully, for several reasons:

• We had a small budget for activities that came with a cost.

• We wanted our kids to have time to just be kids, to daydream and climb trees.

• Family time was important to us—time for us to be together, as well as time to visit grandparents on the weekend.

• Doctors, child psychologists and teachers had begun sounding the alarm on the negative impacts of overbooking kids.

We chose the activities our girls were most drawn to and enjoyed the most. And when they lost interest, we let them try new things. I did my best to keep their activities at a manageable level—for them and me. My husband was a teacher, and he coached high school athletics when they were young, so getting the girls to and from their piano lessons, Brownies meetings and sports practices fell to me.

I thought we were too busy, but it’s even more complicated today. And twenty years later, the warning bells are still ringing. In addition to falling behind on school work and learning, overbooked kids can suffer headaches, stomachaches or feel anxious or depressed. We parents know what it’s like to get through a day of work when we are exhausted. Imagine how hard it is to get through a school day for a tired kid.

We enjoy what we choose for ourselves 

When my daughters were young I loved watching how they played. They were in constant motion, dressing up in silly clothes to play restaurant or store, reading books and dancing to all genres of music. They disappeared for hours to what we called “Barbie-land.” They gave the Barbie and Ken dolls roles, split up the house, furniture and accessories, then made what was missing out of shoeboxes. They created and acted out stories that went on for days.

In the summer they enjoyed the swing set with attached “fort” and spent hours digging and building in the sandbox under the tree they later climbed.

As adults my daughters got sister tattoos of that tree.

Today there are more choices and more demands for kids’ time and attention than ever before. With video games, streaming television, smartphones and social media, I wonder:

Do kids ever get the chance to daydream or get bored?  

Do elementary-aged kids still spend Saturday mornings building forts out of blankets and couch cushions? Do they play hide-and-go-seek with neighbor kids? Play make-believe with a sibling?

If not, they’re missing out on fun and building some basic life skills.

Resetting during a pandemic 

Do you feel like the parents I overheard on my walk? Has the pandemic timeout on your children’s schedule been somewhat of a relief? Are you thankful for the slower pace? Has this been a time to rethink and plan for a new approach to your family life?

How are your children really feeling about some of their activities being paused? Do they seem more light-hearted? Are they more relaxed and rested without the usual schedule? Do they truly miss the activity—or do they miss their friends? Have they found something else to fill their time?

What have your older children been drawn to during the pandemic? What do they do with their time when they get to choose how they spend it? Do they miss their sport so much that they are dribbling in the garage this winter? Setting a volleyball on the bathroom wall? Throwing a football with a friend in the backyard? Or has something else captured their attention?

Have your kids discovered creative interests like drawing, painting or building something out of their imaginations? What are they exploring online?

How can you encourage your child’s interests now and beyond the pandemic?

If you were wishing before COVID-19 that your family’s schedule was less hectic, then 2021 is the perfect time to take steps in that direction. For some of us, spending more time at home has given us time to slow down and make different choices—from what we eat and what we wear to how we spend our precious free time.

For me, not commuting to work has been a gift of 10 hours a week!

 That means I can write and market my book for two hours instead of one before I start the work of my job. Instead of driving home, I have walked or taken a bike ride nearly every day since March 16. Choosing to spend my time this way has helped me cope with the worries and challenges of living during a pandemic. And I will find ways to prioritize them when I return to a “normal” schedule.

With so much out of our control, there is power in making purposeful choices. And when the pandemic ends, we can be just as careful about what we choose to add back to our lives.

It’s the perfect time to say goodbye to activities that did not make life more enjoyable. The activities that did not fill us with joy or came with more costs than benefits. It’s the perfect time to say yes to what’s right for us and our families. And when parents take the lead, kids learn to do the same.

We have no control over how long the pandemic will last, but if we use the extra time as a gift, we can emerge stronger and happier than before. And so can our children.

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