In the 1990s the term “soccer mom” became a popular way to describe middle class women who spent a good amount of their time transporting their children to and from youth sports events and other extracurricular activities. Before SUVs, the stereotyped woman drove a minivan.

A decade later some mothers embraced another nickname.

What would mama bear do?

The animal mama bear is instinctively protective of her cubs and will do anything to protect them. Some women see this as a duty of motherhood and proudly describe themselves as a “Mama Bear.” There are t-shirts, coffee mugs, and jewelry that reinforce this as an admirable quality.

But in the human world there is a difference of opinion about what protecting our children looks like. There is a difference between protecting your preschooler from running into the street and “protecting” your child from any experience that may make them sad or disappointed.

Real mama bears know that their cubs will encounter challenges and danger at some point, and they teach them what to do when it happens.

I never wanted to be called a soccer mom because it reduced my role to child chauffeur. And I never wanted to be a “Mama Bear,” as the title includes women who can argue beyond reason that their child can do no wrong and deserves the best of everything simply for being present. “Mama Bears” who fight their children’s battles, and look for battles where there are none, do their children a disservice.

Real mama bears know that they can’t protect their cubs forever, and their most important task is to prepare them to take care of themselves.

Human “Mama Bears” would benefit from the teachings of Mama Bear in the Berenstain Bears children’s books. While talking about our favorites from the series my friend, who also had two young daughters at the time, proclaimed: “That Mama Bear is just so insightful!”

It’s true. From persuading Brother and Sister bear to get along, to teaching them to clean up after themselves, Mama Bear’s wise parenting teaches her children to be respectful of others and take responsibility for themselves.  

Mama Bear helps her children when they are afraid of the dark or of going to the doctor. She helps them deal with jealousy and bullying, with bad habits and bad dreams. She knows when too many activities are not good for her cubs in The Berenstain Bears and Too Much Pressure—and that there is a sensible way to approach sports in The Berenstain Bears Go Out for the Team.

On this Mother’s Day weekend, I want to acknowledge all the moms who drive their kids to activities, wash uniforms, prepare healthy meals despite a busy schedule, and help their children with homework after the game. More kudos to the moms who teach their children to solve their own problems, move on from disappointment, and respect themselves and others.

Wise mothers know there comes a time when our children must live life on their own, and our real job is to make sure they’re ready when the time comes. Being a mom is a lot of work, and we don’t always see the results of that work till our children are grown. But what we do on a daily basis matters even when the challenges wear us down.

That’s why a few weeks ago, so many human mothers felt great empathy for the bear mama trying to get her cubs across the road.

Of all the roles I have filled in my life, the most rewarding has been to be a mom. And the greatest joy has been seeing my children become adults who are responsible, respectful, and capable of crossing the road by themselves.

With love and thanks to my own mom who showed me how it’s done—Happy Mother’s Day!

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The Berenstain Bears