Sixteen months ago life took a hard left turn for all of us. Some people adapted to a new way of working and living more easily than others. Some were faced with challenges so great it will take years to recover. And most of us have likely strengthened one of the most important life skills: resilience.

The Mayo Clinic defines resilience as “being able to adapt to life’s misfortunes and setbacks.”

“When you have resilience, you harness inner strength that helps you rebound from a setback or challenge, such as a job loss, an illness, a disaster or a loved one's death. If you lack resilience, you might dwell on problems, feel victimized, become overwhelmed or turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse.”                                              - Mayo Clinic

Resilience is something that can be developed through practice and Mayo Clinic offers tips for adults. If we are lucky, we start building resilience as kids through lessons from our parents, teachers and coaches.

Playing sports provides many opportunities for kids to build resilience

And not just when they lose a game. They may not earn a starting position. They could miss the game-winning shot. They may foul out. They may get hurt.

Or perhaps their coach needs them to play a different position than where they’d like to play. They can learn to adjust and may even like it better. And someday when their boss asks them to take on new responsibilities—or they decide to take their career in a new direction—they will know they’ve done it before and can do it again.   

Every time we encounter a challenge or disappointment and learn how to move on, we build some resilience. It can be hard as a parent to see our child hurting, but those are teachable moments that can prepare a child for life. How we and the other adults in their life frame the situation can make the difference between helping them build resilience or feeling like a victim.

Some setbacks hurt more than others. Your child might be cut from the team. Break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend. Flunk a test. But none of these should be seen as life-threatening, and often they open the door to new possibilities.

Disappointments can be blessings in disguise

I didn’t play sports after high school, but I found a new team when I joined the programming board on my college campus. I loved working with other students to bring movies, speakers and concerts to campus. After serving a year as the organization’s treasurer I decided to run for president.

The election process was very stressful: each candidate sat in the hot seat and was interviewed by the executive board and committee chairs (about 20 people). When the candidate left the room there was discussion and a secret ballot.  

When I entered the board room, the committee chairs I had met with weekly all year sat in their usual places around the large square of tables. Some smiled cautiously. Others sat stoically. The vibe was not welcoming, and I was as nervous as the night of my first basketball game.

I took a deep breath and was relieved to answer a few easy questions. But when they asked specifics about booking concerts and technical equipment, I knew they were interested in a different leader. I was not surprised to lose to a committee chair.

Anticipating the possibility, I had also submitted my name for the position of vice-president and returned minutes later to explain to the same group why I was interested in the number two spot. Again, I ran against a committee chair, but felt pretty sure I would win.  

The discussion ran over the allotted time. When the secretary emerged from the board room, she headed toward my opponent to congratulate her.

I had given up my role as treasurer to try for the two positions. And now I had none. I was devastated but determined to stay involved. I considered my options and decided to run for a committee chair position.

I presented my ideas to the board in another election process and was chosen to chair the Speaker’s Forum committee. I spent my senior year expanding the committee’s membership and number of events. Most memorably, I met Major League Baseball star Jim Palmer (also of Jockey Underwear commercial fame) and former CIA Director William Colby.

Had I not developed some resilience, I may have quit, embarrassed by or angry about my two losses. Instead, I enjoyed my new role, had a lot of fun and was proud of my contributions to our campus.

And when I finished my senior year, I was ready to move on to the work world because I knew whatever challenges came next, I could rebound.   

Source

Resilience: Build skills to endure hardship, Mayo Clinic 2015