Playing to win or playing not to lose (what’s the difference?)

One evening as I helped my dad scout an upcoming opponent, he shook his head as a more talented team lost their lead at the beginning of the fourth quarter and then made several turnovers in a row.

“Now they’re playing not to lose.”

“No one plays to lose,” I said.

He explained the team was rattled. They had lost their confidence and began making mistakes. A travel here, a dumb foul there, taking shots they shouldn’t have, desperate to score. They were out of their flow and couldn’t get their offense back on track.

Then I understood. They were playing not to lose.

On those scouting trips Dad urged me to watch carefully as a player with perfect form shot a free throw or notice how a shorter player could block out the tall ones to get a rebound.

But beyond the lessons in fundamentals, he also taught me to observe other factors that influence the outcome of a game. A player goes to the bench in foul trouble and the player who comes in has the chance to show what they are capable of. A good shooter misses four in a row—will they hang their head and give up or keep trying? When a player makes a dumb foul, do they recover or does frustration lead to more turnovers?

There are hundreds of parallels between sports and life.

A coworker goes on vacation and the boss asks you to take their place on an unexpected and urgent project. Do you look at it as an opportunity or a burden?

You know you’re capable of more than what your current job has to offer. Do you keep sending resumes or do you quit after a couple rejection letters?

You make an embarrassing mistake in your work. Can you reset and move on?

Do you play to win?

Playing to win feels like you have a choice, and your decisions and actions will help you make progress.

Playing not to lose feels like you’re in quicksand. You may feel like you can’t get ahead or you’re just plain overwhelmed.

When a coach sees their team struggling, they call time out to try to change the direction of the game.

When I find myself juggling too many projects or have too many things on the calendar, I call time out. I remind myself of my priorities, focus on the most important things—one at a time—and soon I begin to feel I’m getting traction again.

I strengthened that skill by playing sports.

Participating in sports provides an opportunity for young people to learn about themselves and how to handle a variety of situations. Situations they will face again in another sport, the classroom, college or in their job. And every time they do, they gain confidence for the next time.

They learn to feel the difference between playing to win and playing not to lose.

Playing to win isn’t easy. And sometimes it means we have to get out of our comfort zone.

 I’m about to get a whole lot more uncomfortable.

Writing my manuscript was like shooting baskets alone in my driveway. But marketing what I write is like playing the game in front of spectators. I can’t just shoot around for fun. I have to make good passes, rebound, and play defense.

I started this website, write weekly blog posts, research agents and publishers, and write book proposals. But part of my game is lacking. It’s time to step out onto the court of social media. It’s going to be like learning a new sport for me—and I’m open to coaching.  

Later this month you’ll see a post announcing my writer’s page on Facebook. I’ll share more about my writing journey and hope to connect with other readers who care about the future of youth sports.  

I sincerely thank you for reading my blog and being one of my first subscribers.

If you know others who would be interested, I hope you will “Like” my Facebook page when it goes live and invite others to check it out, or if you aren’t on Facebook, just share the link to my website.  

I am always interested in feedback. Is there a topic you have questions or concerns about? Which posts have you found most helpful? Email me at hawkinsonchristine@gmail.com.

I’d love to hear from you. I am playing to win.